numb to you

I’m watching my dreams slip through my fingertips

I feel like I’m trapped on a deserted, sinking ship

It’s just one more disappointment, one more slap to the face

One more reason to hate you for once again putting me in this place

This place of hopelessness and abandonment

Trapped in these emotions and I don’t know how to manage it

 

…deep breath

 

I take a step back, take a deep breath

I look around me and I see nothing left

Nothing left to destroy, nothing left to miss

All that I have now is just this:

 

My pen, my journal, my rhymes

And of course an indeterminable expanse of time

 

…tears fall

 

But I catch every single one and keep them in a jar

A reminder of how I’ve come so far

Far from misery, far from shame

Far from feeding in to you and your games

 

…numb to you

 

I no longer feel a thing, just going through the motions

As calm and cool as a breeze across the ocean

At least to you that’s how I appear

I won’t ever again show you my tears

I will never again run to you

You’ve forever made me numb to you

 

 

© Chelsie Cummings 2017

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