allegiance to the pain

I have this preposterous allegiance to pain

A powerful magnetism I cannot explain

I constantly draw from it

I constantly call on it

I’m addicted to darkness, my closest friend

Dancing with the devil will surely be my end

Nothing hits back harder than life

It drowns me in havoc and misery and strife

But I’ve learned to relish in it

Taking the pain and embellishing it

I seek it out, yearning for its presence

Filling my soul with its very essence

I can’t do without it anymore

This thing I used to abhor

The urge is overwhelming, I can no longer deny it

It’s screaming from every cell, I can’t defy it

I’ll lay with this demon, my soul to take

Just once more, for old times sake

Once is too many, a thousand never enough

Just once more and I’ll call its bluff

A deep breath in, I inhale the pain

The silence grows, the high remains

© Chelsie Cummings 2017

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