I want to feel something, so I try to feel the pain,
But I’m just so numb, I can barely hear the rain.
The clouds are crying, so why can’t I?
I attempt a sob, but my tears defy.
You’ve broken me so I can no longer feel.
And now it seems there’s just no way I can heal.
Why did this happen to me; is it something I deserve?
Did I do something wrong; is there something left, reserved?
Please return me, restore my empty self.
I’m flying under the radar, I’m in hiding mode, stealth.
I just want to feel.
I want to know I’m real.
This numbness is rotting me, inside out.
I’ve lost all reason, what life is about.
Did I even really know the meaning of living?
Regardless, I know I want to be forgiving.
I want my self back, I need a new start.
I need my old soul, I need a new heart.
Nothing’s more shattered, broken, or torn,
Than a heart given to the accidentally born.
I never chose this life, never chose to be here,
But now I want to try, I want to shed my fear.
Please let me be, my old soul intact,
I need only to learn to not retract.
I need to be mended and learn how to feel.
I need back those emotions, I need to heal.
So, please don’t give up on a begging child,
A shattered being reaching the end of her mile.
I need you, oh Lord, to heal this little girl,
And give her a second chance to survive this cruel world.
© Chelsie Cummings 2016