I Need to Heal, I Need to Feel

I want to feel something, so I try to feel the pain,

But I’m just so numb, I can barely hear the rain.

The clouds are crying, so why can’t I?

I attempt a sob, but my tears defy.

You’ve broken me so I can no longer feel.

And now it seems there’s just no way I can heal.

Why did this happen to me; is it something I deserve?

Did I do something wrong; is there something left, reserved?

Please return me, restore my empty self.

I’m flying under the radar, I’m in hiding mode, stealth.

I just want to feel.

I want to know I’m real.

This numbness is rotting me, inside out.

I’ve lost all reason, what life is about.

Did I even really know the meaning of living?

Regardless, I know I want to be forgiving.

I want my self back, I need a new start.

I need my old soul, I need a new heart.

Nothing’s more shattered, broken, or torn,

Than a heart given to the accidentally born.

I never chose this life, never chose to be here,

But now I want to try, I want to shed my fear.

Please let me be, my old soul intact,

I need only to learn to not retract.

I need to be mended and learn how to feel.

I need back those emotions, I need to heal.

So, please don’t give up on a begging child,

A shattered being reaching the end of her mile.

I need you, oh Lord, to heal this little girl,

And give her a second chance to survive this cruel world.

© Chelsie Cummings 2016

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