I can’t forgive myself, how silly would that be?
I’ve done too many wrongs, seen too many things.
Possessed by demons, and controlled by drugs,
I have too much baggage, too much to lug.
But I can’t let go, even though it’s heavy weight.
I can’t forgive myself, because I fear it’s too late.
I’m disgusted with myself, I leant out my body,
I let go of what I knew, what my parents taught me.
To gain a high, I did everything I shouldn’t have,
I did horrid things that sober I wouldn’t have.
How could I have fallen so far down?
Who’s to blame for my being bound?
I let go of drugs and numbness has gone,
I don’t like what I feel, it’s all so wrong.
A voice whispers burdens of my worthlessness,
I take on this truth, though I’m hurt by this.
Ceasing the voice becomes difficult to do,
It’s yelling, telling me things I already knew.
I’m a half opened package, I’m wholly tainted,
I’m the picture of unworthy the Devil has painted.
I slice myself open, I can’t take anymore,
I hate myself, I hate being torn.
My wrists are leaking blood, my eyes are dripping tears,
I’m sinking beyond my unfulfilled life and all its fears.
A constraint of emotions embedded in my flesh,
Reveal my true heart, at its best.
I don’t want to hurt, I hate the cards that I’ve been dealt.
But I’m letting go today and asking for help.
© Chelsie Cummings 2016